The Myth of ‘Falling Apart After 40’ (and What’s Really Happening in Your Body)
“It all goes downhill after 40.”
Have any of your loving family members whispered (or shouted) a version of this into your ear before your big birthday? Mine sure have YEARS before my 40th!
I get it - sometimes people don’t know what else to say. For them, watching a daughter, granddaughter, sister, or cousin turn 40 can stir up their own feelings about aging. Each year on my daughter’s birthday, I’m stunned that another year has already gone by. So I try to give grace: aging feels new for all of us, and for some it shines a light they’d rather dim.
But here’s the problem: when we constantly hear doom-and-gloom predictions, they start to shape how we see ourselves and we start to put imaginary countdowns on our lives. There’s a fine line between sharing wisdom and projecting ideology. And women - we’ve got to be more mindful about how we talk to one another about aging. The mind is powerful, and while none of us can dodge getting older, and many of us will be faced with obstacles in some form or fashion, we don’t have to do it with fear, waiting for our bodies to fall apart.
Hormones in the Early Stages of Perimenopause
Here’s what’s really happening when perimenopause begins (often in your late 30s, early 40s, though it varies for each woman):
Progesterone takes the first dip. As ovulation becomes less consistent, your body makes less progesterone. This can mean sleep issues, heavier or irregular cycles, more anxiety, and that “wired but tired” feeling.
Estrogen gets unpredictable. Instead of slowly trickling down, estrogen can swing high one month and low the next. This rollercoaster is what fuels mood shifts, hot flashes, and changes in focus or memory.
Testosterone quietly declines. While it doesn’t get as much spotlight, lower testosterone can play into reduced muscle tone, energy, and even libido.
For women without a uterus: Even though you don’t experience cycle changes, progesterone and estrogen still impact your brain, bones, and nervous system - meaning symptoms like sleep struggles, mood shifts, and energy dips can still show up.
This is your body recalibrating, not shutting down. I saw someone call it “cougar puberty” and I can’t unsee it! LOL! When you understand these shifts, you can stop seeing symptoms as random - and start seeing them as signals that you can take ACTION on.
Sneaky Signs You Might Miss
Some of the earliest shifts often fly under the radar, or worse, get misdiagnosed:
Insomnia – difficulty falling or staying asleep, often brushed off as stress.
Feeling “off” – a vague sense that something’s wrong, sometimes mislabeled as depression when it’s actually hormones shifting.
Mood swings – irritability, anxiety, or emotional ups and downs.
Digestive changes – more bloating, food sensitivities, or that “why does everything upset my stomach now?” feeling.
Body composition shifts – especially increased belly fat. The workouts and food choices that used to “work” may suddenly stop delivering the same results.
Energy & focus dips – thanks to fluctuating estrogen, leaving you wired some days and wiped out the next.
Support Through Food & Rituals
Here’s the part the “it’s all downhill” crowd doesn’t talk about: lifestyle shifts can make a huge difference. By leaning on real food and simple rituals, you can support your body as it recalibrates:
Real Food Swaps
Potato chips ➝ roasted or mashed potatoes with olive oil & herbs.
Boxed fruit drinks ➝ fresh juice from whole produce or electrolyte powered mocktails
Processed meals ➝ quick home-cooked meals using fresh ingredients.
Daily Rituals
Digital sunset: power down your phone at a set time.
Shower meditation: use three mindful minutes under the water to breathe and reset.
Evening wind-down: read 10 pages before bed to spark curiosity while signaling to your brain it’s time to rest.
These aren’t flashy or complicated. They’re steady signals to your body that you’re creating the support it needs.
Conclusion
I know our elders usually mean well. But as my mentor-in-my-head Myleik Teele has shared: good intentions don’t erase impact. If it hurts, it hurts.
It’s up to us, as women, to first notice how we speak about aging to ourselves, and then to each other. Because the way we frame this transition doesn’t just shape us, it teaches the next generation what to expect. I think there are better ways to share the reality of the changes and challenges we might face with a healthy dose education and the celebrating us reaching this pivotal and transformational phase in life.
My belief? When women begin to truly heal themselves, the world around them begins to heal too.
So let this be your reminder: you’re not falling apart. You’re evolving. You’re becoming. And if you’re ready for support on that journey, I’d be honored to walk beside you.
About Me
I’m Shera (said with a long E: a wife, mama, and transformational coach. For more than a decade, I’ve been helping women realign with their unique rhythm and step into a new chapter of life with clarity and confidence.
My work is rooted in redefining perimenopause - not as something to “just deal with,” but as a powerful season of becoming. I guide women out of the “it is what it is” mindset and into a new normal: one that’s clear, aligned, and deeply empowered.
If you’re ready to stop avoiding your symptoms and start building the life you actually want, schedule a call with me here.
You can also connect with me on Instagram.