Perimenopause: The Transition No One Warned Us About
What you didn’t know about perimenopause (and why your future self needs you to act today).
A few months ago, I didn’t even know the word menopause outside of casual conversation. I was living in my RV traveling the U.S. with my family, supposed to be having the time of my life.
Instead, I was depressed, feeling isolated, and barely sleeping. I was up and down all night using the bathroom, tossing and turning, never getting into deep rest. My cycle was all over the place, and my mood was unpredictable. At first, I blamed RV life. Maybe it was the isolation, the lack of close friends nearby, the constant change of scenery.
Fast forward 6 months: my husband took a position in Charleston, and for the past 4 months we’ve been settling into our new home here in the Low Country. In that time, after some deep inner work and relaunching my coaching practice, I realized the women I’m called to serve are women like me - navigating perimenopause.
At first, the thought never crossed my mind that I might be in perimenopause. I had my daughter in my mid-thirties, and through lifestyle changes I’d gotten to a place where my cycles were smooth with very few symptoms. Sure, they weren’t as regular as they used to be. Nothing dramatic enough to set off alarm bells.
Then I started taking a perimenopause course… and found myself woven right into the lessons.
I thought I was too young at 39. My mom started having symptoms at 29, but I figured my lifestyle made me different. I had convinced myself menopause was for “old ladies.” Funny how “old” keeps shifting as we move through life, isn’t it?
But here’s the truth: perimenopause is not just for “old ladies.” (Whatever THAT means!) It can begin in your 30s, and for some women even in their 20s. And menopause isn’t what most of us think it is either. It’s not the whole transition, it’s actually just one day.
Here’s a quick breakdown:
Stage 1: Perimenopause
Estrogen production starts to fluctuate. The average age is 47, but it can start much earlier. It lasts about 4 years on average and every woman’s journey looks different.
Stage 2: Menopause
Menopause is technically one single day: the day you hit 12 months without a period. The average age is 49–51, but studies show timing differs among groups: Black women (49), Latina women (49), Asian women (50), and white women (51). Estrogen is at its lowest here, which is why symptoms like hot flashes, night sweats, and mood shifts can peak around this stage.
Stage 3: Postmenopause
his is when your estrogen levels begin to stabilize and find a new balance. Many of the intense symptoms you experienced in perimenopause and menopause start to cool down here.
One of the most common symptoms - hot flashes - lasts for an average of:
4.8 years for Japanese women
5.4 years for Chinese women
6.5 years for white women
8.9 years for Hispanic women
10.1 years for Black women
One billion women worldwide will be in perimenopause by 2025. Yet most of us have had zero real conversations about it. In the U.S., we focus on youth, beauty, and fertility, leaving midlife transitions in the shadows.
And, news flash: perimenopause does not mean you can’t get pregnant (stay ready Sis), nor does it mean life slows down. It means your body is recalibrating, shifting toward a new normal. This is a process that takes years, not something to “get over.”
I don’t know about you, but I refuse to sit back and let it steamroll me. I’m doing everything I can to manage and nourish my body, mind, and spirit so I can keep living fully: traveling, loving on my people, hitting milestones, learning lessons, and soaking up every ounce of joy this chapter has to offer.
Even after 13 years as a health coach, I had no training in perimenopause until now. That was a wake-up call. If I didn’t know, how many women around me were struggling in silence? I realized I was divinely led to this space, not only to navigate my own journey, but to walk alongside you in yours.
It’s our season to actually give a f*ck about ourselves - to actually hold strong on our boundaries and stop pretending we can do everything. Working yourself into the ground is not a flex. Living with exhaustion is common, but it is not normal. And that “it is what it is” mentality? That will keep you miserable, exhausted, and fast-tracking both the aging process and the very symptoms you’re desperate to calm down.
So let’s take a big breath together, get our minds around this thing, and take a stand, together.
If this post resonated with you, share it with another woman you care about. Most of us aren’t having these conversations, and your share could be the exact thing that helps someone feel less alone. Let’s build this community together.